Kim Jong Il returns to the Land of the Living

Miracles abound. The second Dear (departed) Leader of North Korea has returned to this mortal coil, embalmed in sweet smelling oils and other essential preservatives (of a more functional nature).  Pictures appear to show him dressed in the same sort of khaki jumpsuit he always wore (it could be a onesie of course but I’m not sure how fashionable they are in North Korea yet) He is lying there peacefully and apparently snoozing, covered in a nice bright red  blanket.

Given that Kim Jong Il has been afforded the status of a near immortal in North Korea, his reappearance so soon after his passing is presumably an event of some excitement. Perhaps his return to the land of the living is a reward for North Korea's military finally being able to launch a rocket without it falling back on top of them (see Mr Kim's expensive firework).  This same rocket also launched a satellite which was given his nickname, Kwangmyongsong, so he was probably very excited (apparently that passes for a term of endearment in North Korea, although it’s unlikely many impoverished and long suffering North Koreans feel much genuine endearment towards him).

He is also happily accepting visitors including members of the press, which is probably more than he did in life. This surely demonstrates the good, humanising effect that mortality has had on him. Well-wishers are able to spend some time in his hallowed company (not much mind you, he is a busy fellow these day). Reports are that he is not very talkative yet, and doesn't make even the most rudimentary of hand gestures.  Supplicants are expected to bow and scape at his feet before shuffling past him, as he lies there, looking slightly perma-tanned with a benevolent and wise expression on his face. He is encased in glass, a bit like a sort of horizontal pope mobile but without the wheels, and surrounded by nice flowers instead. Perhaps he doesn’t want all those well-wishers breathing all over him.

Yet, perhaps Kim's return does herald a change for North Korea. His son, and successor, Kim Jong-un (AKA Kim 3) may recognise he needs to do more to resuscitate the sclerotic North Korea economy. So, his first move was to have his father stuffed and then put on public display as some kind of macabre tourist attraction. Perhaps the next step is to charge foreign devils to gulp and gawp at the mortal remains of the repulsive old monster. Who said entrepreneurship was dead in North Korea....

Also see Three Kims for the price of one.

REAL AND VERY TERRIFYING VISITORS FROM OUTER SPACE

This is true. Ok, that’s enough to get people doubting for a start, but scientists, astronomers and NASA state quite unequivocally that next month (Feb 2013 for those still suffering mental disorientation from the last time the world ended) a very small asteroid referred to, with rather a lack of dramatic flourish, as 2012 DA14, will go whizzing past us on 15 February.

 

They are sure it will miss but it will be rather too close for comfort. At only 45m across and weighing in at 130,000 tonnes, it will still be so close that it will pass between us down here and our communication satellites up there - at a distance of just 14 000 miles above our homes, if you want to put it another way. This is closer than any other asteroid of its size in recorded history. This is so close it will be visible with binoculars, if you know where to look and are in the right place.

If it were to hit earth, it would do so with the impact of an atomic bomb.

The last significant asteroid strike was in 1908, in the middle of Siberia at a place called Tunguska. That asteroid, estimated to be about twice the size of  2012 DA14, exploded between 3 and 6 miles above the earth flattening 830 square miles of forest and about 80 million trees. It killed several thousand reindeer, but no people thanks only to the remoteness of the region. Still, it serves as a chilling warning and a remarkably lucky escape.

What would happen though, if an asteroid the size of 2012 DA14 didn’t explode in the atmosphere but struck the earth directly? What kind of impact would that mean?  The Barringer Crater in Arizona was made by a comparable asteroid of approximately 50 m diameter, and gives a good, and very chilling, example of what we could be facing. I happened to visit the impact site a couple of years ago and its a mighty impressive dent in the suface of the earth. However, in the context of 2012 DA14, its not a pleasant thought, given the size of the impact crater, to contemplate the consequences if something like that were to hit a modern city.

The last major asteroid impact, which is known as a meteorite if it gets to hit the earth, was probably about 3500 years ago. It landed in the Indian Ocean which is probably why there are so many legends of a great flood (Noah, Gilgamesh etc.) broadly contemporaneous with this event. It’s estimated that these rather large (1 mile across or more), terrifying and very real space visitors, infinitely more dangerous than UFOs and lesser-spotted aliens, arrive every 3000 years or so. Although this is of course a very crude measure, it does mean we are rather overdue another visit.

In cosmic terms 2012 DA14 is not just a near miss, it’s like a bullet taking a skin-thin wrist watch off your arm but leaving you unharmed. For all intents and purposes, you could just about reach out and scribble your name on it as it goes past. They don’t get much closer….and sooner or later, one won’t miss.

BAD PRESS

After returning from a 2 week holiday in Thailand, I couldn't understand why I felt so good. Ok, you always feel pretty relaxed after a good holiday, and no, before anyone asks, it's wasn't the calming and relaxing after effects of any massages.

Well, the good weather played a part, and the food was fantastic, but, it was something more than that, that strangely Zen-like feeling of being at peace with the world. Was it the lingering after effects of visiting too many temples and contemplating all those reclining Buddhas?

No, it was none of the above. I discovered what it was when I walked into the first News Agent the very day we got back.  There they were, all lined up on the news rack....the British papers. The therapeutic effects of being largely separated from these vile publications had been immeasurably positive.

Shattering all my inner calm were those headlines, randomly screaming, choking, fuming and fulminating about everything and anything. Winter was too wet...winter wasn't cold enough….but Arctic freezes were being predicted (the worst for years).  Elsewhere they were ranting about Government austerity. Savage cuts to the welfare state, inhuman and cruel ministers deliberately targeting the poor and unemployed, fumed a couple of red tops. At the same time another rag raged and wept about welfare cheats being paid too much benefit and the Government's totally pathetic attempts to cut the deficit by insisting on paying excessive money to these lay abouts. Balanced, sensible reporting? Forget it.

Others choked and fumed about Europe.  “Too much of it” howled some. “Not enough of it” shrieked another, with such anger I could almost imagine the foam flecked and rabid editor hammering at his or her keyboards with their clenched fists. A couple made furious and indignant demands for a referendum so we could all leave the Eurozone for some imaginary red-tapeless free-market nirvana. In response others made loud and dire, horror-filled warnings about what would happen if we did and that economic Armageddon waited where we should surely abandon all hope.

Almost every story, subject matter regardless, it seems is reviewed through the most twisted, miserable of prisms; facts are used as selectively as possible so as to mislead, confuse and depress the reader. Everything is subject to maximum distortion, skewed through the politically myopic lens of the publication regardless of which end of the political spectrum it finds itself. And the irony of it all, is that every day they are served up for us, as regular as breakfast, their captured and well cultivated readership-fodder, who in our near bovine-like state, cough up the pennies or pounds required to buy or download then read their despairing and twisted content.

Yes, I know the price of a free press is having to put up with all the bile and nonsense they churn out incessantly. But, for a New Year resolution, I thought I would try to avoid these wretched and poison spreading feasts of misery for a bit. I'll stick to the sports section (as long as it’s not Arsenal winning) and read Private Eye instead. Anything to extend that lingering, post holiday calm for a bit.....