The President of Ecuador today surprised his countrymen by according protected species status to the rare Assange toad. It was a quite extraordinary move for President Correa, who is well known for his intense dislike of chirping amphibians. However, in a speech that critics believed was to assure his country of his pro-amphibian credentials, Correa declared that in Ecuador the rare toad, which goes by the full name of the Much Lesser (these days) Spotted “Julianne Assange” would henceforth be a protected species. Botanists pointed out that in Ecuador there are currently no Assange Toads and that this gesture was therefore largely symbolic and playing to the amphibian gallery.
Correa gave as the reason for this move his suspicion that CIA agents were trying to abduct the Assange and exterminate it for being a dangerous propagator of malicious information and unpleasant odours.
However, what is most extraordinary is that, at the moment, the Assange toad is hiding in a small box in a building in London, unable to make its way to Ecuador to enjoy its protected status. Ominously for the toad, between it and the nearest airport is a thin blue line of toad catchers, desperate to apprehend the Assange.
The Assange Toad is indeed a rare amphibian, with its origin in the Antipodes. It is currently located in northern Europe, although it is said to have an extreme aversion to Scandinavian climates, especially that of Sweden.
It can easily be recognised by its loud and self-righteous croak. It is of rather a pale, pusillanimous appearance, and is said to be extremely harmful to the female of its species. Of late it has reportedly taken on a rather clammy appearance, having scalded itself by intentionally getting into very hot water.
……………..to be continued
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