This
morning I did my bit – and told my wife, Susan, it was going to snow tomorrow. “Well,
she said, fixing me with a one of her steely glances, “you had better go and
grit the drive then…”
“I’m
joking I said, “It’s April Fool’s day.
“I
know” she said.
Whilst
out this morning I scanned the newspapers. Nothing particularly April foolish to
note. Lots of the normal nonsense though, guaranteed to avoid any outbreak of good
cheer. There was the ever reliable Mail on Sunday, just about asphyxiating itself
with fury over something or other. At the other end of the political scale
there was the cheerless Guardian, in its humourless, politically correct
po-faced, sanctimonious way, making sure Sunday morning was a proper guilt fest
for its tortured readers.
Well, here
are a few April fool headlines they could have gone with….
·
“Robert
Plant to re-join Zeppelin – Olympic tour planned and tickets to go on sale”. That would have got ‘em going. And
people thought there was a panic over the petrol shortage in the UK. It would
have been nothing by way of comparison in the rush for non existent tickets. Who knows, the consequent public outrage might well have pressured the eternaly uncoperative Plant to change his mind.
·
“Pontiff
asks police to arrest Catholic priests who abused children”. Well, that’s probably a bit too
much to expect, after all they may have already confessed their sins and been
forgiven. Besides, it’s a case of one rule for some, and another rule for the
rest.
·
“Gordon
Brown says sorry for his part in the UK’s economic woes”.
A politician apologising – on April fool’s day – that would have been
surreal. In reality, there is probably more chance of a glacier being found on the sun
than Gordon Brown admitting that he was in any way even remotely connected to the
unspeakable mess he created.
·
“French
Presidential hopeful, François Hollande, says he believes in UFOs”. This could have been quite
plausible – not least because his proposed solutions to the economic crisis
quietly waiting to engulf France suggest he might only very recently have
beamed down from another planet.
·
“South
African President Jacob Zuma vows to resign if found guilty of corruption”. This would have generated much
hollow laughter, imagine that, a corrupt politician resigning. I doubt his
peers would have seen the joke though – whatever next, letting the side down
like that. However, they can all rest easy – it’s very unlikely to happen and Mr
Zuma will probably take another wife (or a shower) instead to take his mind of his woes.
·
“Scientists
prove global warming is a myth”.
That would have thrown the world’s climatology experts a great curved ball.
Just imagine all those woolly academic spluttering over their morning coffee,
getting their toast and marmalade caught in their beards before rushing off to denounce
the report in bulging eyed, outraged tones…..
But
there was none of it. Perhaps the world has lost its sense of humour and all of
us our courage to laugh along with it. Perhaps we are all too politically correct
and laughing at someone else is now deemed socially unacceptable. Or perhaps all
that bothersome Health and Safety legislation has made it just too darn risky
to have a bit of fun.
Who
knows, I just hope it doesn’t snow tomorrow………………
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