SYRIA, ASSAD AND THE CURSE OF EDMUND BURKE

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." (Edmund Burke)

 

Seems this has been quoted quite a lot over the past few days.

But what are good men supposed to do, for, in Syria's case, is not every option fraught with risk and danger? So the option of doing nothing becomes the most attractive. It's justification all the easier if we listen to the shrill voices warning of the unknown consequences of trying to stop an evil man. We assume that there is less risk if we sit on our hands. We convince ourselves it is so, like a drunk dilutes a lack of resolve with a litre of vodka and finds the shame of his circumstance to be the fault of others, not himself. And like that drunk, we marinate our abdication with self-serving arguments about the risk of the future, or the errors of the past, or the arrogance of thinking we can do anything at all.

 

We have also allowed the ghosts of Iraq to crowd around, obscuring the difference between doing the right thing (confronting Burke's evil men) the wrong way and doing the plain wrong thing. It's easier then, not to risk getting it wrong, but to look out of the corner of our eyes at this problem. It's far away from our homes and we are safe. Our Government will not drop fire bombs on our schools. We are better off as spectators this time.  Yes, of course it's all awful, but its someone else's awful and why should we have to help beyond our tut-tutting in the United Nations and those other pointless feel-good talking shops so beloved of our politicians and leaders. If we look the other way for long enough, perhaps it will go away.

 

Yet, we know this wont go away, because it doesn't work like that. A fire ignored only dies once it has consumed everything it can possibly burn, and so too with "evil men". Sticking one's head in the sand is not a solution. Hoping to reason with barbarity is not a strategy. Pontificating  loudly about alternatives that have already failed may salve the conscience, but is really only a counsel of despair.

 

Last week I watched a BBC report, with an image of a fire savaged Syrian school child, fire bombed by its own Government. Naked and burning, it's gender seared away, it was only just alive, now become a breathing piece of charred human meat, open mouthed in its incomprehension at the terror of its circumstance that mere words like this cannot describe. I watched the child in HD television, whilst eating an over-heated TV dinner off a tray, listening to the voice-over giving it less than an even chance of living. What have things come to? Next up one of our politicians. So pleased he was, democracy was in action (in the UK), he said. We will not get involved in this, he said. We want proof, he said. Perhaps he had not seen the BBC report. He seemed very pleased with himself, but then they always do. I expect he went home to a large, comfortable house and a good meal.  I expect his children were already tucked up in their beds and asleep by the time he has walked up his garden path to his front door. They will not be fire bombed.

 

So, is it true that "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing"? Maybe. Perhaps however, "men" who stand by doing nothing whilst evil flourishes all about them, are not good men.

 

They are cowards. And when we let them speak in our name, so too are we.

 " Too many flames, with too much to burn, and life's only made of paper"- Ronnie James Dio

 

 

SYRIA: TERROR WITHOUT END

SYRIA: A TERROR WITHOUT END

We have now seen the pictures that no cameraman should ever have to take.  Chilling pictures of small dead children, wrapped in shrouds, each pale face drawn as if sleeping through a haunted dream that does not end. But they sleep the sleep from which none will ever wake, for in these still terrible pictures we see a land from which all hope has fled.

Syria is the nightmare scenario where all the options that available are horrific, and all its roads seem to lead to a place of destruction and ruin. As it descends into a barbaric civil war involving chemical warfare, civilian massacres, a tyrannical dictator and cast of several insanely radical Islamist groups hell bent on destroying anyone and everyone else, any once fragile opportunity to resolve the crisis has evaporated. The nominally moderate Free Syrian Army is seemingly crowded out in the shouting and shooting of the madmen and mad movements on all sides.

The West has been, once again, left trembling anxiously on the side lines. Afraid to do something, fearful of not doing anything, its only recourse is in sound bite and speech, where, like a minister in an empty church, it sermonises from within the echo chamber of of its increasing irrelevance.

The real power players, Russia ( and to a lesser extent China) observe events through the pitiless scopes of their geopolitical self interest, which, in the case of Russia, is a corrupted lens that finds only satisfaction in the humiliation of the west and particularly the USA. Putin in particular, is the puppet master of the Assad regime, and for him, the real enemy is the USA. Whether it comes in the form of pathetic and frightened pawns like Snowden, or a hellish civil war in the Middle East, all are merely tools with which to wage a new Cold War against an old adversary.

 The UN is again exposed as a toothless old hound, on a chain and issuing forth with the odd bark, the teeth in its jaws blunted rotten stumps that no robber would ever fear. And so too with Obama and his red lines, originally drawn out in the comfortable expectation they would never be breached. Now their only purpose is to demarcate a failure of resolve and to serve as the ribbon for a state policy wrapped in its own indecision.

And for Syria? It has no future. Indeed the worst of all outcomes might be that a victor emerges from this war. For what we are witnessing is the Gordian knott of conflicts, where intertwined are a monstrous collision of nationalistic and tribal aspirations, violently intolerant and militant  religious extremism, sectarian hatreds within Syria and across the wider Arab and Persian world, the interference of unstable neighbouring states, all of which is underscored by the lack of congruence between Syria's current borders, imposed by hastily departing and squabbling colonial powers in the later 1940s, and the long history of Syrianism.  There are no good guys anymore. No cavalry will ride in from the sunset. And if out of this maelstrom of barbarity a victor should emerge, he will more likely than not be consumed with thoughts of revenge.

Towards the end of the Second World War the Germans spoke of their preference for an end in terror rather than a terror without end. For Syria right now it seems they face only a terror without end.

Princess Diana is sending message to Naomi Watts (and other delsions)

In the latest news to emerge from the world of “Hollywood”, formerly sensible across Naomi Watts claims she has had messages from the late Princess to confirm that it’s alright for her to play the part of Diana in the upcoming film about her life.

 

Apparently Ms Watts has confirmed that she "felt Diana's presence during the film. I asked her if I could carry on - and she gave me permission”.

 

What absolute tosh.

 

That actors are somewhat deluded will not come as much of a surprise to most people. That they are now also able to liaise with the dead is a more unexpected development. However, before we snigger up our sleeves, let’s recognise the commercial possibilities here, for they are endless.

 

How long now before some lucky author is contacted by Michael Jackson to ghost write his Bio – perhaps we will finally really know what happened? But why stop there? Perhaps Bach has a few more Brandenburg Concerto’s up his sleeve that he has spent the last few centuries working up. I wonder which lucky composer he might be thinking of approaching with his works.  Will Genghis Khan feel it’s about time to explain his invasion of medieval Europe to a ghost writer (no pun intended), or perhaps Cicero will tell us more about the politics of the Roman Empire. My guess is he might contact Silvio Berlusconi, a modern day emperor if there ever was one, to help him.

 

Joking aside though, the dead do not send us messages. That’s because they are dead.  Anyone who believes that they do is deluding themselves. And although Watts’s revelations are of themselves as harmless as they are silly, its unsettling that there are people who believes they are hearing messages in their heads or have some other form of supernatural guidance, telling them what to do or what to say or, most seriously of all, how to treat other people .

 

Terrible wrongs are perpetrated by those convinced of the rightness of their ways. Often grounded in delusional assumptions and beliefs, many of the world’s current problems and conflicts can be traced back to these rigidly and fanatically held views.

 

It seems there is no end in sight to the influence of these delusional views either, seemingly stretching from Watt's harmless trivialities to the killing fields of the Middle East….

 

 

PUTIN IN NEW DIVING BELL ADVENTURE

In the on-going series of exciting adventures, earlier this week our superhero, Vladimir Putin, descended to the very bottom of the dark, cruel sea (50m in the Gulf of Finland) to explore an ancient shipwreck. Once again, at great personal risk to his person, and wearing smart white trainers (as worn by other superheroes like Justin Bieber), Vlad went down to the ocean bed, looked through the 6-inch glass of his little porthole, and then went back up to the surface a few minutes later to declare another heroic triumph for ...err…himself.

This latest triumph comes hot on the heels of his other aquatic exploits in which he found an old wine bottle on the bottom of the Black Sea and shot a whale with a bow and arrow.  In other adventures, we have seen the fearless Vlad darting a tame....apologies....a wild and dangerous tiger, riding a pony whilst not wearing a shirt (which everyone knows is very daring) and courageously locking up 3 pop stars from punk outfit Pussy Riot, for singing very rude ditties in church.

Vlad will therefore have been very dismayed to learn, upon surfacing from his deep sea adventure and climbing out of his diving bell, that Pussy Riot have once again been up to all sorts of mischief whilst he was on the ocean floor, releasing a video parodying Vlad as a Russian Ayatollah, and accusing him of spreading the country's wealth amongst his political and business mates.

The latest stunt is another attempt to bolster his waning popularity as increasing numbers of  urban Russians tire of his rule and its patronages and corruption. Like so many politicians, he is unable to move with the shifting times and attitudes of those he once represented, but from whom now he only elicits scorn and derision. And with each new stunt, that level of scorn will only increase.

What a tragedy for Russia he is though. With its declining birth rates, low mortality and unreformed, economy, there is a sense that it is in long term decline. It cries out for clear farsighted leadership. It faces formidable challenges. Its educated youth are leaving. On its far south eastern borders the huge, heaving dynamo of north eastern China rises like a great, all engulfing tidal wave of progress and people that one day, given the mathematical inevitabilities of a fixed land area and a swelling population, may spill over into sparsely populated Russia on the other side of the fence (already over 1 million Chinese live over the border).

Russia is also institutionalised with corruption, rotted with bribery, as the preparation for the winter Olympics in Sochi bears witness, being the most expensive Games of all time. Its become primarily a get rich scheme for cronies of the state, the pretence of sport merely serving as the enabler for this.  Putin’s posturing and blustering on the world stage cannot hide this and avoid the sense of national decline.

Against all this, Pussy Riot may not of course pose a threat to Putin. However, they do more than create a discordant objection to his rule. Despite State persecution of them, they are back in their brightly coloured outfits, angrily unbowed by the bullying of the law. Through public performance they are openly and brazenly mocking and challenging the Russian president and all he stands for with their brash outbursts about him and his corrupt cronies, all the while figuratively and literally thumbing their noses at his fading aura of authority. Such outrages would have been unthinkable in Soviet times; times after which Putin yearns.

Yet the Riot is, in a way, symbolic of a wider movement in Russia that is losing its fear of it's once mighty president. As the protests against him continue, and as his attempts to portray himself as a nationalistic, macho super hero in farcical adventure videos fail, so Putin risks becoming ever more bitter and dangerous. Personal ambition, arrogance and corruption will be mixed in with increasing public ridicule and protest. All risk coming to the boil eventually in the same political pot.

For us in the West, in our easy, human rights protected democracies and, by comparison, well cushioned welfare state societies (despite austerity), we have long since forgotten the courage it takes to face down genuine tyrants on our own streets and to live in truly oppressive states. But in Russia they know well the features of that bleak landscape and the courage needed to endure and challenge it. Its epitomised by a band of punks, and by hundreds of thousands of Russians who take that courage with them onto the streets in protest.

 Also see RUSSIA: EVERYTHING CHANGES AND EVERYTHING STAYS THE SAME… and PUTIN: NOT A PUNK ROCK FAN?

Shoot-out in Jackson on the 4th of July

I have been writing this for some time, wondering when I might ever use it. Its not a normal sort of blog. However, today presents the chance. We are in Jackson, Wyoming and today it is, of course, the 4th of July. We have just watched the Jackson Independence Day celebrations, which included their famous shoot out in the town square. Shoot-outs and gun fights have passed into Wild West folk lore now, played out countless times by children growing up who are, statistically at least, almost certain never to know the real thing. So, just what might it have been like, not just to be in real a shoot out, but to be on the losing end....

SHOOT OUT

He went careering backwards, reeling through the swinging doors of the Million Dollar Saloon and out into the sudden blasting brightness of the day. He was conscious of a huge pounding in his shattered shoulder, as if he had been punched with massive force by a giant fist of rock. Damp warm crimson was spreading across his shirt and his ears echoed and rang with the numbing thunder clap of a close range pistol shot. Disorientated and bewildered, he was giddily aware of the bright blue vault of the empty sky and the blinding focus of the sun swivelling wildly above his head. He felt his feet start to go.

For a moment he was weightless, almost floating, then he felt the crunch, the crash and the buckling of his legs as he collapsed in the dust of the street, then the great wave of agony as his bullet-shattered shoulder hit the hard compact red earth. Out of the corner of his eye he watched his hat roll slowly away from him in the rising dust before it too toppled over. Pain now washed over him in great pulsing waves.

 Dimly he was aware of shouting, of another emerging through the swinging doors, and of sudden menace once more standing tall and powerful before him. He felt his concentration, and awareness start to fragment and drift as his grip on lucidity loosened. He heard voices urging restraint. He heard the canter of hooves nearby, more shouting and a woman's voice somewhere in the crowd.

Then for a brief moment, he seemed to be somewhere else. Powerful memories pulled him away from the terrible present. For some reason he remembered his father from all those years ago, picking him up and putting him on a horse for the first time when he he had been no more than a small boy. The word "Pa" seemed to creep up from somewhere deep and far away inside him. His lips opened, as if to release it into the air, whilst his arm sought to stretch out for a fading memory of a time long before.

Then he was again  aware of that terrible shadowed figure before him, seemingly impossibly tall, raising its arm whilst the world seemed to stop. Overhead a solitary bird; motionless in the vastness of an empty sky.  Then,  another thunder clap like the world ending, and he knew no more....

Written between London and Jackson, Wyoming.

UFO desk closes and some deliciously silly rumours.....

 If you thought the Greek Government's recent  shutting down of its national broadcaster was a bit drastic, it has nothing on this shocking revelation.. For the UK Department of Defence announced last week that it had shut down its UFO desk (employees: 2)!  In 2009!  We have been defenceless for 4 years and civilisation has been on the brink, blind and unprotected from invading aliens and reptiles from Planet X (arrival delayed).

The Desk had apparently been in operation for 50 years. After half a century of investigation into UFO reports it has drawn the not terribly surprise conclusion that there is not in fact anything to investigate ( apart from a number of mistakenly identified Chinese lanterns in Yorkshire)

This will be a bitter disappointment to many and in response we should probably see a spike in UFO sittings as ufologists, not to mention slighted UFO pilots, angrily protest at their declared redundancy, no doubt smelling government cover-ups and all manner of suspicious behind the scenes manoeuvring. After all, this sinister announcement has come just after the meeting of the Bilderberg Group and the G8, well known for their intergalactic dabbling and hostility to aliens, especially the tax dodging variety these days.  It's also suspiciously contemporaneous with all those leaks from Mr Snowden about how the US has been spying on us and reading all our emails.

Now, I'd hate to be one to start any unfounded rumours, but could Mr Snowden be about to reveal some new new groundbreaking facts about Area 51, e mails from outer space and aliens running the British Department of Defence?

Remember, you read it here first.......

JULIAN ASSANGE REAPPEARS

Over the past few days, Mr Julian Assange has oozed his way back into the headlines, managing to find a small patch of unoccupied media space, not too blood stained, in which to tell the now largely uninterested world of his struggles for justice (or more correctly how to avoid it).

 

What has triggered his reappearance? Was it his excitement at Lady Gaga, that icon of liberty and free speech, popping in for tea? Perhaps he thinks the NSA whistle-blower, Edward Snowden might soon be joining him? Or perhaps it was his excitement at words of support from no lesser figure than John Pilger, that man of letters, beacon of moderation and giant of intellectual prowess, who has accused President Obama of “being at war with truth-tellers and the world”.  At war with the world?! I must have blinked and missed that. Perhaps the mighty Mr Pilger could tempt timid Barack into doing something about Syria in that case…..

But back to Julian Assange.  Between numbing reports of horrific slaughter in Syria that rank almost beyond comprehension and other tales of mass demonstrations and brutal police repression in Turkey and so on, a rather sallow, greasy looking Assange emerged from his figurative bolt hole from justice, also known as the London Ecuadorian Embassy. He declared he would stay where he was for a further 5 years if need be and refuse to face accusation of allegedly sexually assaulting two women (or in his rather fevered imagination, threats of extradition to the USA to face charges of leaking its secrets). But why now – has the bulb in his sun tan lamp blown, or perhaps his hosts are getting tired of his presence?

Ecuador, who have given asylum to Assange in a strange fit of preoccupation with the right to free speech (as long as it’s not exercised in Ecuador), declared, with rather cheerful desperation, that the noxious Assange might even stay so long in their embassy that he could die there.  They also asked if poor Julian might  be allowed outside into the sunshine for a bit without being arrested. Are they worried about his vitamin D depletion?  Anyway, since the sun has not been seen in London since about 2010 this seemed a rather optimistic request to say the least.

When one thinks of the scale of suffering in places like the aforementioned Syria, to have to listen to Mr Assange bleating on about his (self-imposed) living conditions in the Ecuadorian embassy in London, it's enough to make you feel like agreeing to his request. Let him go, put him on a plane and send him to Damascus.  

SCIENTOLOGY - IT MIGHT SEEM STRANGE BY TODAY'S STANDARDS, BUT......

Why is it called Scientology? Presumably it means the science of science, but it’s not scientific in any commonly understood sense. In that way it's not so different to any other religion, but in other ways, it is very different.

For starters it's very new, which makes it interesting. We can look back over only 6 decades at the evolution from scratch of a brand new form of belief, one that unlike others, appears not to have a specific named deity at its core.

A very brief, lay summary of Scientology’s evolution goes something like this (I think). Scientology started off as a form of psychotherapy known as Dianetics in the 1950s, developed by a writer of science fiction called L Ron Hubbard. Very simply, Dianetics was a psychoanalytical process by which individuals were able to "audit" themselves to identify past traumas. Although widely derided by the medical mainstream as quackery, it was purely secular at this stage.

It's morphing from “psychology” into a belief-system was triggered (at least in part) by people, when going through the auditing process, claiming that some of the traumatic events they believed they had identified were from past lives. This is similar to what some people believe when under hypnosis and which is often used as evidence for reincarnation.  In the early 1950s L Ron (not to be confused with the elf out of Lord of the Rings) appears to have started adapting Dianetics by incorporating into it the element of reincarnation and past lives, some claim to take advantage of the tax concessions applicable to recognised religions.

A cosmological narrative?

A tale of truly mind-boggling sci-fi like proportions was then developed to explain its origins. Until it was leaked (evidently by an angry ex-member), this was supposed to have been top secret. Scientology claims that our past lives reach back for millions of years and that...(wait for it)….billions of our descendants were brought to earth 75 million years ago in spaceships resembling DC-8s from distant planets where there was an overpopulation problem. This was done by a figure called Xenu, a tyrannical ruler of a galactic confederacy who was aided by psychiatrists (I wasn’t expecting that twist either) who tricked the over-populated with some rues about their taxation. But, on to more serious matters. Xenu killed all these billions of people by first freezing and paralysing them before the space journey and then, once earth was reached, apparently stacking them around volcanoes and detonating hydrogen bombs inside the volcanos.

This genocide then released their thetans (souls in scientology speak), which were then all “captured” somehow, sent to places resembling vast cinemas and forced to watch a sort of 3D film for 36 days and “implanted with misleading data”.

Still with me? 

And so it goes on. Hubbard’s religion parallels the development of a sci-fi novel and events contemporaneous with the times of the 1950s: Cold wars, nuclear shadows, taxation and McDonnell Douglas aircraft.

Ok, very interesting, but what it the point of all this?

The evolution of a new religion

The actual finer details of Scientology are complex and hard to follow. It's also very different to the narratives of established religions. However that is because we are witnessing, in real time, the evolution of a religion from its first uncertain steps through to it rapidly developing a philosophy over the course of a few decades.

Scientology appears to have approximately 50 000 followers. In overall terms, this is miniscule and may not constitute a critical mass to sustain it in the long term or even the decades ahead. It has been required to aggressively defend its position and to fight to sustain its tax privileges. As a new and radically different system of beliefs it is of course challenging the orthodoxy. Unsurprisingly established religions strongly reject its deeply implausible ideas. Of course, they strongly reject each other’s ideas and beliefs too.

This may be similar to what has happened previously when new religions tried to take hold. When “modern” Christianity was taking its first steps around 2500 millennia ago, it was challenging the dominant and established religions of the ancient classical world, from Greece to Rome to Egypt. In the case of the latter, this was a belief system that had existed and evolved over a period of 3 millennia. Christianity was a monotheist religion, challenging the prevailing orthodoxies that subscribed to polytheism, each normally embracing a sufficient number of gods to populate a small town. It’s easy to imagine the audacity of those early Christians suggesting, “No, you’re wrong, there aren’t 50 gods, there is only 1”. It can’t have gone down to well.

What is so interesting though is how Scientology has adopted the props of the 20th century around which to build its narrative. With space travel, nuclear annihilation, overpopulation, taxation and psychotherapy all playing a role, what we are seeing is a religion (or cult) being developed to reflect the modern world, and a cold war one at that, yet still relying upon an inevitable great cataclysm event in its foundation story. In this case, the great flood myth so common to ancient religions updated to be an ancient nuclear war.

Yet no religion can escape being a product of its time, thus its narrative cannot exceed the contemporaneous state of the world’s assumed “knowledge”. It cannot be what it does not know. Current dominant religions were developed when it was believed the earth was flat, that the sun revolved around it and that gods had magical powers over nature and the hevans. So people could come back from the dead, virgins gave birth, magic wands parted oceans and God’s servants only carried swords because, of course, guns hadn’t been invented.

Scientology 3000 AD

Suspend your disbelief (just for a second or two), imagine its 3000 AD and Scientology has grown from its current tiny following into a mainstream faith. After its first century, in which it has settled its narrative, it has endured without substantial further amendment, save only to respond to unavoidable new challenges, as  do the other long standing religions of today. It would have moved from "wild new cult" to established orthodoxy. Assuming all this, then we may find that Scientology's core beliefs will for so long have been ingrained into the mainstream that it might seem as plausible in 3000 AD as any of our current beliefs do in 2013.

Perhaps there is nothing that unusual about the trajectory of scientology's evolving story and development as a religion. It may only be following a similar course to countless religions developed before it over many millennia. The historically well documented persecution of the early Christian faith shows how hostile a reception no doubt awaited the relatively defenceless followers of all new religions and gods.  This intolerance of not just new, but sometimes only slightly differing beliefs, reaches its apogee in the bloodletting in the Middle East where competing religious ideologies settle their differing interpretations with bombs and blood (the irony of this is that they all espouse tolerance and a love of peace).

So, who is right?

Just because it’s one of the latest beliefs (at the moment), does that mean it is any less likely to be the “truth”, for every new religion or belief system must find itself in this sort of positionat the same stage in its journey.

What would the ancient Romans have thought of Christianity if they could have looked 2000 years ahead? If you were an ancient Egyptian alive today, might you wonder how for 3000 years, your countrymen believed something which by any modern standard, is such obvious, palpable nonsense.

Likewise, if you could look back 1000 years from now, what would the prevailing view be of today’s “ancient” beliefs?

Makes you think doesn’t it….

POPE EXORCISES A DEMON AND CASTS OUT COMMON SENSE

When first hearing about this, I thought he had expelled poor Silvio from Italy. But no, it was a real demon, apparently. I didn't know they still went in for that sort of thing anymore – hadn’t it been quietly phased out along with witch-burning and blood sucking leeches. But apparently not, for yesterday Pope Francis was seen to place his bare hands on the head of a disabled and troubled man in a wheelchair and perform what looked suspiciously like some kind of exorcism ritual. And it was in Saint Peter's Square too, which I thought was a bit of a cheek. Imagine that, some devil or demon daring to go into the Pontiffs front garden, so to speak, and inhabit a worshiper. Whatever next, are we safe nowhere?

 

Well, when it saw all the press reports, the Vatican clumsily sought to deny it was an exorcism and claimed the Pope had only intended to pray for the troubled man. Perhaps he had, perhaps he hadn't, who knows. Far more likely than demon possesion though is some kind of mental affliction for which prayer, exorcism and other assorted forms of medieval quackery are no substitute for proper medical attention. More troubling though is that in this day and age belief in demons still exists alongside neuroscience and nanotechnology.

 

On another point, quite bizarrely every Catholic diocese is supposed to possess (whoops... no pun intended) at least one exorcism expert. Strange then that these supposed experts at identifying the manifestations of the devil have been so singularly and spectacularly unsuccessful at rooting out those evil, child molesting colleagues in their midst, many of whom have it transpires been concealed by the Church itself......

Also see "Vatican Vacancy and "The Long Shadow Of The Dark Ages"

ITS EUROVISION 2013… run, run, run….

Ok, time for something light-hearted. It’s Eurovision - a blogger's dream come true. Not to be taken too seriously at all, Eurovision is a light-hearted parody of art, a tounge in cheeck (well, for some) celebration of wafer thin music, of computer generated soulless Euro pop so lightweight it is gravity defying, like a bubble blown by a child in a park on a sunny afternoon. It’s a competition where the nations of Europe, and some more, compete to see who can deliberately trot out the most vacuous and shallow pop song possible, where winning invites good-hearted ridicule and where coming last is a secret blessed relief…where "Pont-l'Évêque"* level cheesiness becomes an art form in itself.

I managed to sit through the first hour, it went something like this....
 

France

Bursting out of the starting blocks, France was first up in the form of a loud rather shouty female who yelled and waved her head around like a mad headbanger. Perhaps it was avaunt garde industrial disco, who can tell? There was some weird thrashing around to some scittering drum machine, much yelling and not much else. Rather good by Eurovision standards then.

Lithuania

Second up but so immediately forgettable I cannot recall a single thing about it. They could be on to a winner here.

Moldavia

Where exactly is Moldavia?  Oh, don’t worry, for this was Eurovision pop fodder of the first order. That means it was unintentionally hilarious. A singer emerged who looked like an angry, botoxed fairy stranded on top of a luminescent wedding cake. Supporting her were a troupe of backing dancers in shiny pure white outfits who energetically leaped about in regulation Eurovision fashion. This requires that no notice whatsoever be taken of any beat or rhythm (ok, sometimes there isn’t any). Our expressionless fairy delivered a performance of such saccharine proportions that I could feel the enamel peeling of my teeth.  Fortunately, anticipating Eurovision, I had bought some Sensodene toothpaste earlier (especially for sensitive teeth and gums).

Finland

Eurovision exists to host the performance of songs like this. A blond looking like she was trapped in a hyper speed wind tunnel and dressed in what looked like a cross between a wedding dress and an aeroplane braking parachute belted out a number about (I think) gay weddings and ended the proceedings by kissing one of her female backing singers (think Madonna / Brittney revisited). This was Eurovision gold dust, the crowd went quite potty....sure to do well. Turkey banned the entire programme (lucky Turks) on the strength of this sinful kiss to avoid 2 seconds of terrible moral pollution having a deleterious impact on their ancient civilisation, not to mention those members of their citizenry watching television. This may well harm their application to join the Eurozone…

Spain

With a backing band of sorts, including some poor soul who drew the short straw and got to play something called a Spanish bagpipe (run for the hills), some floozy in a yellow dress butchered some ghastly ditty about heaven knows what. On each side she was supported by a bloke strumming a guitar, each one trying unsuccessfully to look like he was enjoying committing musical- career suicide in front of a TV audience of millions.

Belgium

A smug looking man-child with a “Justin Bieber on-speed” hairstyle and Labrador eyes crooned out some syrupy love song. The “backing dancers’ ” choreography was the only high point, being so terrible it became entertaining as they gave a reasonable impersonation of marionettes being electrocuted. Cheesiness award for the evening.

Belarus

This was another Eurovision to order performance. A singer who looked like a 6 foot perm-tanned Barbie doll emerged from a giant silver glitter ball dressed in what looked like the remains of a shredded Christmas decoration. More toe curling choreography, with blokes in white suits, (not that kind although men in white suite were surely needed by this point), doing clumsy schoolboy/ playground level cartwheels and late 70’s over the top disco gyrations.
 

Russia

This might have got passed the first round on X factor, which is more than most would have achieved thus far....

Germany

A towering frau with flowing golden locks tore through some forgettable number sung in faultless English, all against a backdrop of blinding purple strobes, flashing lights, glitter waterfalls, sparkling ticket tape and delirious, cheering crowds. This is sure to do well.

Armenia

I almost fell of the sofa. A song composed by Black Sabbath's Tony Iommi, which must surely be their first euro vision mention. The performance was quite good. It has little chance of winning. A real band on stage, a real drummer, real guitars, a couple of devil horns salutes thrown in for good measure and a guitar solo (5 seconds only please).....a  masterpiece by Eurovision's standards and on that note I decided to go out on a (quite legal) high and decided to call Eurovision 2013 a day.

 

* Pont-l'Évêque - rated the world's smelliest, stinkiest cheese.

Who won the North Korean War that never was?

So, who won the great North Korean War that never was? It's not that clear, save that China lost, at least in the short term. China could not control it's former friend North Korea. It was embarrassed that its influence was exposed as light, if not even feeble. The bankrupt and impoverished hermit kingdom thumbed its nose at the only country thought to have had any sway over it. Japan and all the other nations of south east asia will have seen and noted all this.

In fact, the sudden cessation of noisy rhetoric suggested that, like a naughty child, North Korea's Kim Jong-Un (Fatty the Third) has been "rewarded” in some way for turning down the volume and conducting the affairs of his state slightly less abnormally than has been his recent custom. The only country likely to have done that is North Korea's northern neighbour, China. His good behaviour would likely have been in exchange for food aid, financial aid and other packages to ease his position. The onlystring to the deal would have been not to have publicised China's largesse.

Fatty the Third might have emerged from this war of words intact, even with his internal reputation enhanced. However, he hasn't really emerged a victor, in that sense. Behind the scenes his only ally of note must be absolutely seething. Making an enemy of China is not particularly smart and there may well now be a reckoning as China must surely be thinking about their longer term relationship with North Korea and how this can be restructured to their advantage. How much longer can they tolerate him? Whether Fatty the Third figures in that future is a moot point. If he has a jot of common sense, he needs to do some urgent bridge building with his powerful neighbour.

For South Korea it's been an quite a good outcome too. They were seen to stand firm and did not give in to the normal temptation to reward North Korea's bad behaviour with aid sweeteners. The sunshine policy of trying to be matey with the monster next door has been put on the back burner - trying to appease tyrants and bullies does not work, as just a cursory glance at history would have informed them.

For the USA it's been quite a good non-war too. All the surrounding countries will have been alarmed by North Korea's aggression and China's seeming impotence when it comes to controlling Fatty the Third. On the other hand they will have been assured to some extent by the USA's presence and apparent willingness to do what was necessary in the event of a worst outcome scenario. This is in stark contrast to the dithering and vacillation over Syria where it's now almost too late to do anything constructive.

In the medium term it's probably also put China's attempts to reassure its nervous neighbours that it's a force for stability and peace in the region on the back foot. Those neighbours may now start looking to the US for that assurance and sense of protection, as its pivots towards the east and the Pacific.

Interestingly, China has in the last few days, announced its claim on the Japanese island on Okinawa. Done obliquely through the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences,  an institution close to the Communist Government, this may well be part of the wider game being played over the spate of territorial demarcations stretcdhing to as far away as India. However, it's not insignificant that, in its report, the Academy refers to Okinawa as part of a former vassal state. Such a phrase will have been deliberate and loaded with nationalist implications, for it is the terminology used by imperial China in its heyday to refer to its supplicant and dependent neighbouring countries, including Japan, Korea, Vietnam, Thailand and others. These vassal states, in a semi feudal relationship, paid tribute to China in the form of materials and supplies that recognised its overall dominance and superiority.

So, whilst Fatty the Third might be going easy on the bloodcurdling rhetoric for now, China is sending out its own increasingly clear and confident signals for its long term aspirations. Along with new President Xi Jinping's promotion of the "Chinese Dream", the talk of rewriting borders and claiming former vassal states is tapping into a millennia old view of Chinese superiority and of China, the ancient Middle Kingdom and centre of the civilised world.  So, just as America pivots towards it, China starts to more openly pivot towards its century-long suppressed, but very much alive, dream of restoring the dominance of its imperial/Confucian past, dressed up in the (communist) emperor’s new clothes.

Also see North Korean Roulette and Fatty The Third

Near Death Experiences (NDE): Can They be Explained?

I remember reading Raymond Moody’s book “Life After Life” as a kid. Since then I've read about other people who claim to have had near death experiences. Amazing tales abound of people, who having "died" (or nearly died) on the operating table or in accidents, are resuscitated and able to relate amazing accounts of how, generally speaking they walked down a sort of tunnel of bright light, many experiencing great peace, some having a life-review, and sometimes being told that their time was not up, and that they should go back, or words to that effect.

 

Sometimes this message is given to them by loved ones gone before or by beings clothed in light, all of which fuels, or confirms, a belief in life hereafter. Allegedly about 3% of Americans claim to have had such an experience. This is not too dissimilar to the percentage who believes they have been abducted by aliens. I must say I find it all a bit hard to believe.

What "being dead" actually means isn't that simple either. It is when the heart stops, or the brain becomes incapable of further thought or activity, or when cell decay commences and all electrical and chemical activity ceases?. It doesn't all happen at once and parts of us may be “dead” whilst others are still alive. Some NDEs have even been reported when the individual was not anywhere near death (for example, when fainting) which points to a physical and not supernatural experience.

 

The broad similarity of the experiences recounted suggests that, when the brain is in the process of shutting down, perhaps under highly traumatised circumstances, certain reactions occur. Under such conditions the ability to filter and make sense of information may become compromised, or stop working altogether. Imagine if certain parts of the brain continue to try to function whilst others stop. Mix in with that potential surges in adrenalin and other chemicals at such a traumatic time and, perhaps unavoidably, the experiences and memories are going to be very much out of the ordinary.

 

Many people also have very fixed beliefs in the afterlife and its format. Should we be surprised then that sometimes these beliefs surface at times like this, perhaps when the brain (the individual) most expects them to become manifest? Is it surprising that those who expect to meet up with the loved ones, in fact experience meeting up with them? Likewise, those perhaps expecting to be met by angels, then experience these “beings of light”.

Our memories may also play a part here too. There is the well-known saying “my life flashed before me”, normally uttered as a reaction to some life-threatening event. Perhaps there is some part of our brain which, at these critical moments, pushes these memories to the fore; thereby explaining the meeting of deceased loved ones and the "life review" during the NDE ".

Given its incredible complexity and power, the psychological impact of experiencing one’s brain partly or even totally shutting down during a near death event (or even when thinking one is nigh) may give rise to all sorts of unavoidable dream-like or hallucinatory experiences that when combined, trigger the NDE. However, whilst the brain is quite possibly the most complicated, sophisticated product of evolution, it is an organ and its workings should have natural explanations. Just because we cannot yet fully understand all its working, does not mean we should fill those gaps with supernatural assumptions.

I suspect the explanation for these undoubtedly powerful, sometimes life-changing experiences lies deep within our minds. The brain’s extraordinary power to shape our perceptions and to fire our imaginations in ways we do not yet fully understand is more likely than not, to be the basis for these supernatural and paranormal experiences. It would be wonderful to know that upon death some essence of consciousness is to be magically spirited away, down a tunnel of light to some other plane where it is going to be greeted by the spirits of loved ones gone before and where everything will be alright.

Irrespective of how tempting this is though, we may once again be at risk of letting our imaginations run away with ourselves.......

NORTH KOREAN ROULETTE: FATTY THE THIRD THROWS HIS WEIGHT AROUND

Chinese bloggers don't like Kim Jong-un. They refer to the chubby ruler of North Korea as either Fatty the Third, or Fatty Kim. No longer the revered brother in the struggle against capitalism, but now a figure of caricature and ridicule?

That's where the joking ends through. With their frequent and blood-curdling threats to engulf South Korean cities in Nuclear "seas of fire”, Kim's spokespeople mix clumsy horror/sci-fi prose with chilling possibility. At the moment the risk to an already very fragile geopolitical balance is at its greatest. With emotions taunt and mistrust high, a simple miscalculation or misreading of  signals from the other side could easily tip the entire region into disaster and war. As North Korea plans to launch its next “test” missile, any mishap there, say it crash lands in South Korea or Japan (a not indistinct possibility) or the North claims the US shot it down (say to cover a failure or malfunction), could trigger a conflict.

Everyone hopes that Fatty the Third is making these hair raising threats with no serious intention of carrying them out. The pundits ensure us nothing is changing on the ground and that it’s all just bluster and sabre rattling. Let’s hope they’re right. But it’s difficult to know just who is in control. Is Kim Jong-un telling his generals what to do, or are they pulling the young dictator's strings behind all those Stalinist banners?  Or, as is so often the case with Dictators, their henchmen tell them what they want to hear. Does Fatty the Third believe his own propaganda?

And China? As ever, it has its own geopolitical agenda. It wants to ensure that North and South Korea are not reunited as one democratic Korea on its border; open, liberal and friendly to the West and America. North Korea is its barrier and buffer zone to this risk. So, whilst it wants North Korea and Kim to behave a little better, it still wants its bothersome ally to be a thorn in the flesh of both South Korea and the USA. However a destruction-threatening Fatty the Third, acting like some upstart megalomaniac playing dare with his nuclear bombs and missiles is the last thing in their plans.

In the event of a war, even a small one, China would be in a quandary. Would it come to the aid of its ally to prevent the fall of the regime with all its negative consequences and thereby risk a much greater conflict with powerful enemies? Could it afford not to come to Kim's aid and, in the event his being toppled (very probable) end up with the South Korean and US military on its north east border? It would suffer enormous loss of face and shame – a huge deal for China. But what would be the impact on its other, already uneasy Asian neighbours, of a display of Chinese militarism? It could well push them into an alliance with America and Japan to counter growing Chinese might and influence. For China, such a war would be North Korean style roulette with no empty chambers.

And what of Japan in the event of a Korean war? With China's attention diverted, Japan might well size that moment to press is claims in the South China Sea, a hotly contested area of rich natural resources and some unoccupied islands that both it and China claim as their own.

Any outbreak of hostilities in the Korean Peninsula would understandably become the all-consuming focus of the political world. That could well have repercussions elsewhere, notably in the Middle East and Syria. With the world's focus suddenly and totally diverted, what new outrages might Assad be tempted to perpetrate in Syria, possibly involving his chemical weapons. The likelihood is that Assad deployed a non-lethal chemical bomb last month. What might he be tempted to do next, with the world's attention diverted and the Syrian opposition increasingly a focal point for Islamic and Al Qaeda based extremists and therefore Western unease. He might even be encouraged by both Russia and China to take this next step in the event of a Korean crisis.

The most likely outcome, we are being assured, is that it will all fizzle out, with North Korea making grand claims that it's threats have once again ensured the safety of their state, having frightened South Korea and the USA into backing down. Perhaps a “successful testing of its latest missile will enable this?

Yet, even such an outcome is not all that great. China's influence over its neighbour and increasingly dubious ally will have been exposed as less influential that everyone had hoped. It will stand somewhat diminished within its sphere of influence. It will have lost some face. The US will be increasingly alarmed. Its military presence in the area is not likely to diminish anytime soon – and the proposed slashing of its military defence spend may be reconsidered in light of the threats it believes it faces.

Kim Jong-un, left untouched and reputation as a strongman secured, will be even more emboldened to develop his weapons (and probably less likely to be parodied as Fatty the Third). Others will also have been watching and may be tempted to think about a nuclear deterrent of their own?. Iran will be encouraged. It has cooperated with North Korea in the past with nuclear technology. Would it be surprising to see a defence pact between these two countries next, each relying on the other's nuclear deterrence and between them, being able to cast an ever wider nuclear shadow with their combined weapons?

That cooperation may be even more overt now, since one of the messages emerging from all of this, is that if you really want to develop nuclear weapons, no one will really be able to stop you.

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NIGHT FLIGHT FROM ATHENS

Sunday evening and we leave Athens on time. As its BA, this is a plesant suprise. However, Athens is quiet, it’s a public holiday here to tomorrow, and we are in luck as everyone boards promptly. It’s very different when leaving from Heathrow however. Lateness is almost unavoidable it’s so busy.

It's quite an old aircraft, one of those 767s with those rather square, dark blue seats, like something out of Thunderbirds.  Upon take-off the whole things rattles and shakes a bit. I always think the engines sound like lawn mowers close up during take-off, but they're Rolls Royce engines, aren't they? So the old seats don't matter, the engines are the best in the world.  I could quite happily fly to the moon in a tomato crate, as long as it had Rolls Royce engines and a pilot with that calm reassuring English accent, who could tell me what the weather would be like when I got there (cold and drizzling).

The staff are very friendly. I'm lucky because tonight I’m in business class flying on the Misuse's air miles which makes the cost 25% of a standard economy fare. I guess it’s one advantage to being married to someone who works all over the world. Susan has so many air miles that, if they did flights to Mars, she would qualify for the free return trip. BA concentrates on the Trans-Atlantic routes though so it's not likely any time soon.  She is working in Athens for a fortnight, so I have been out there to see her for a few days.

Given all the trouble in Greece, I wondered what it would be like. In a word, it’s bad. Just one small illustration of this was a little taverna we went to for dinner. It was so good, we went back there again a night later. Small and family run, it catered more for locals than tourists and was cheap and very friendly. Yet across both nights there was just one other table occupied. On the second night we were the only couple the whole time we were there. How will this little restaurant survive?

Yet for all its current well broadcast agony, Athens remains a truly remarkable, historic city, home to 5 out of every 7 Greeks. I was surprised at just how big it was. The Acropolis and the truly breath taking Parthenon have been there for nearly 2500 years. It’s a beacon of both their civilisation and power to endure against 25 centuries worth of challenges and invasions from the outside. Without wishing to downplay it’s terrible pain of the moment, Greece will get through this. Over the immense span of its history, it has seen off worse.

Besides, right now major restoration work is taking place on the Parthenon and, for an ancient civilisation that placed so much store in the significance of events, what could be a better omen for its long term.

Somewhere behind me a baby cries, giving audible expression to the random luck of seating. There is a queue outside the toilets and the person on my right is snoring. On my left someone is buried in the pages of the Daily Mail. Clearly he wants to avoid getting home from his holiday in a good mood.

The in-flight entertainment is reaching its conclusion, another of those mildly inoffensive films that has to appeal to everyone, but ends up not really entertaining anyone. There is an announcement over the intercom and the seat belt lights come on to signal bumps ahead.

Just over an hour out from London. Time to finish that last glass of wine before it’s spilt in any turbulence.

USA TO BLAME FOR HUGO CHAVEZ DEATH (AND EVERYTHING ELSE TOO)

So, after a long struggle, Mr Hugo Chavez has succumbed, like so many others, to the dread disease of cancer.

Chavez was not just the President of Venezuela, he was also an ardent Revolutionary, a patriot and a populist, a former paratrooper, a fiery socialist and also, undoubtedly, a hero to many of his people too. He was ferociously ambitious, intolerant of any opposition and, had he continued, likely to have become increasingly authoritarian and despotic. Unsurprisingly, his mentor and at the same time one of his greatest heroes, was Fidel Castro, a man who after about 50 years of uninterrupted power himself (some might say dictatorship), had yet to work himself up into any excitement over those annoying trivialities like democracy and freedom of speech or association.

Chavez's ambition was to be seen as the scourge of the former Imperial powers of the West, and in particular, as the South American leader of the pack against the great evil, formerly known as the USA.  Like all good romantic stories of revolutionaries, his end needed to be heroic, fighting against massively superior forces (that’s the US and its imperialist lackys), encircled by treacherous "enemies of the people" (that's the Venezuelan opposition party) but supported by loyal comrades, who can be selected from those on the guest list for his funeral, including theocratic maniacs, ageing dictators and a couple of apologies from those, like Mr Assad, currently otherwise to occupied butchering his own people to spare the time to attend.

Cancer is a terrible disease and not to be belittled or made the subject of cheap comment. Yet, it does not quite fit the here's death ordained for Hugo Chavez. Fighting this cruel horrible disease from the media blackout of a hospital bed is not quite how revolutionaries are supposed to meet their end. The bad guy in the political narrative of Chavez's life is unfortunately absent at the critical moment in the plot.

So, in a makeover worthy of a good Hollywood epic, history must be re-written to meet it preordained outcome.  Dark accusations are now being made about how the USA is responsible for his cancer and how it is the USA, the enemy of freedom, that is the evil hand behind the demise of the hero. Imperial enemies have given him this illness. The leader of the Russian Communist party concurs, claiming it was far from a coincidence. Well, I’m not sure how he knows but facts are not part of this novel or traditionally the lexicon of old school communists. Reassuringly though, it’s all contained in classified documents that, conveniently, will be only released in 50 years’ time. What has been going on? Perhaps there really is a shadowy CIA Oncology tactical hit squad roaming through South America led by Lt Colonel Oliver North (Rtd). Who knows?

In reality, few know. Chavez could have died some time ago, perhaps even in Cuba. Irrespective of that however, the narrative is gaining traction and events can now be manipulated to fit the required story line. The hero can die fighting to the end against the sinister forces of imperialism (read USA). His successors are fired up to continue the struggle (that means motivated to vote for Chavez's chosen political successor in the pending Presidential elections). His story continues and the struggle against imagined enemies goes on. Whats more, our hero, like so many other heroes (or mass murdering despots depending on your point of view) on the extreme fringes of the political Left, will undergo some bizarre form of secular immortalisation by being embalmed and kept on public view in a glass coffin where he can be “with his people" forever and ever amen.

VATICAN VACANCY

Just what might a satirical job advertisment for this high profile vacany look like....well, read on as this is the leaked text of the draft advertisement being drawn up to fill the newest vacancy in the Vatican. In fact its so current that the drafting corrections are still in place! A Vatican ordered phone tapping exercise is being rolled out as you read (thats not a joke is it?)...

JOB TITLE: POPE (Vice Mr Joe Ratzinger)

ROLE OVERVIEW

The incumbent will be expected to exercise full, supreme and universal authority over the faithful, with a specific remit to lead it out of the dark ages and its believers through the challenges of the 20 21st century.

DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES

1. To courageously and ceaselessly confront and root out evil where ever it is found without regard for personal reputation.
2. To resist the temptation to believe the numerous scurrilous lies being propogated by renegade elements within the Vatican and other innocent members of the Agents of Satan, claiming that numerous senior employees of the Church have been engaged in acts of grave depravity activities that some might consider not necessarily compatible with their trusted status in the Church.
3. To follow and uphold the 10 13 Commandments. (For the information of all applicants the final 3 Commandments are: (11) Use of Condoms is Forbidden (12) Ordination of Women into the Priesthood is Forbidden (13) Homosexuality and Gay Weddings are Forbidden (14).Philately is to be forb …Pending review…
4. Cover up or pretend not have known about Must always adopt a dignified silence (remember you will be infallible) when confronted with clearly serious and convincing examples of intrinsic moral evil baseless allegations about wrongdoing involving ordained church employees past or present. 
5. Where time permits, the successful applicant will also be expected to give some thought to other matters, like stopping wars, relieving world hunger (Note: As long as it does not breach Commandment 11) and poverty (Note - sale of Vatican assets in this regard is forbidden) and curing / preventing disease (Note: As long as it does not breach Commandment 11) and promoting the goodwill and communal well-being of all of God’s people regardless (Subject to Commandment 13) and exposing vice and corruption.

QUALIFICATIONS AND EXPERIENCE

 Ideally, the successful applicant:

• Should preferably be a Catholic who believes in God and has a working understanding of the Bible.
• Must be a very old man, celibate, be prepared to wear a long white dress, strange looking headgear and funny slippers whenever in public. 
• Must dispense advice and teachings to over a billion followers on correct sexual relationships.
• Have some experience of public speaking. Note: Successful applicant will be expected to make speeches in Latin to thousands of people, most of whom may not understand what is being said.
• Management Skills: As effective President of the organisation, applicants should  be possessed have a wealth of great Management and Leadership ability, given the divided and treacherous cadre of subordinates that Mr Ratzinger had to oversee and unsuccessfully sought…
• Skilled courdon bleu chef (surely this is for the vacancy in the canteen  – plse check - Vatican HR Manger(Recruitment))

3. BENEFITS AND REWARDS

1. The successful applicant will find reward in the eternal hereafter (Note: In the event any of the other Religions are correct, this clause is null and void).
2. Accommodation and your own small city is provided as is a company car in the form a bullet proof, glass covered golf caddy for day to day business. (Clubs not provided)

Equal Opportunity

We apply an equal opportunities recruitment policy and do not show favour on any grounds (except faith, gender and..). Women are welcome to apply provided they do not breach Commandment 12

Interested?
Interested applicants should submit their curriculum vitae to the Vatican HR Manager (Recruitment), Senior Level Vacancies, Recruitment Office of the Vatican.

The successful candidate will be notified by smoke signal.

Kim Jong Il returns to the Land of the Living

Miracles abound. The second Dear (departed) Leader of North Korea has returned to this mortal coil, embalmed in sweet smelling oils and other essential preservatives (of a more functional nature).  Pictures appear to show him dressed in the same sort of khaki jumpsuit he always wore (it could be a onesie of course but I’m not sure how fashionable they are in North Korea yet) He is lying there peacefully and apparently snoozing, covered in a nice bright red  blanket.

Given that Kim Jong Il has been afforded the status of a near immortal in North Korea, his reappearance so soon after his passing is presumably an event of some excitement. Perhaps his return to the land of the living is a reward for North Korea's military finally being able to launch a rocket without it falling back on top of them (see Mr Kim's expensive firework).  This same rocket also launched a satellite which was given his nickname, Kwangmyongsong, so he was probably very excited (apparently that passes for a term of endearment in North Korea, although it’s unlikely many impoverished and long suffering North Koreans feel much genuine endearment towards him).

He is also happily accepting visitors including members of the press, which is probably more than he did in life. This surely demonstrates the good, humanising effect that mortality has had on him. Well-wishers are able to spend some time in his hallowed company (not much mind you, he is a busy fellow these day). Reports are that he is not very talkative yet, and doesn't make even the most rudimentary of hand gestures.  Supplicants are expected to bow and scape at his feet before shuffling past him, as he lies there, looking slightly perma-tanned with a benevolent and wise expression on his face. He is encased in glass, a bit like a sort of horizontal pope mobile but without the wheels, and surrounded by nice flowers instead. Perhaps he doesn’t want all those well-wishers breathing all over him.

Yet, perhaps Kim's return does herald a change for North Korea. His son, and successor, Kim Jong-un (AKA Kim 3) may recognise he needs to do more to resuscitate the sclerotic North Korea economy. So, his first move was to have his father stuffed and then put on public display as some kind of macabre tourist attraction. Perhaps the next step is to charge foreign devils to gulp and gawp at the mortal remains of the repulsive old monster. Who said entrepreneurship was dead in North Korea....

Also see Three Kims for the price of one.

REAL AND VERY TERRIFYING VISITORS FROM OUTER SPACE

This is true. Ok, that’s enough to get people doubting for a start, but scientists, astronomers and NASA state quite unequivocally that next month (Feb 2013 for those still suffering mental disorientation from the last time the world ended) a very small asteroid referred to, with rather a lack of dramatic flourish, as 2012 DA14, will go whizzing past us on 15 February.

 

They are sure it will miss but it will be rather too close for comfort. At only 45m across and weighing in at 130,000 tonnes, it will still be so close that it will pass between us down here and our communication satellites up there - at a distance of just 14 000 miles above our homes, if you want to put it another way. This is closer than any other asteroid of its size in recorded history. This is so close it will be visible with binoculars, if you know where to look and are in the right place.

If it were to hit earth, it would do so with the impact of an atomic bomb.

The last significant asteroid strike was in 1908, in the middle of Siberia at a place called Tunguska. That asteroid, estimated to be about twice the size of  2012 DA14, exploded between 3 and 6 miles above the earth flattening 830 square miles of forest and about 80 million trees. It killed several thousand reindeer, but no people thanks only to the remoteness of the region. Still, it serves as a chilling warning and a remarkably lucky escape.

What would happen though, if an asteroid the size of 2012 DA14 didn’t explode in the atmosphere but struck the earth directly? What kind of impact would that mean?  The Barringer Crater in Arizona was made by a comparable asteroid of approximately 50 m diameter, and gives a good, and very chilling, example of what we could be facing. I happened to visit the impact site a couple of years ago and its a mighty impressive dent in the suface of the earth. However, in the context of 2012 DA14, its not a pleasant thought, given the size of the impact crater, to contemplate the consequences if something like that were to hit a modern city.

The last major asteroid impact, which is known as a meteorite if it gets to hit the earth, was probably about 3500 years ago. It landed in the Indian Ocean which is probably why there are so many legends of a great flood (Noah, Gilgamesh etc.) broadly contemporaneous with this event. It’s estimated that these rather large (1 mile across or more), terrifying and very real space visitors, infinitely more dangerous than UFOs and lesser-spotted aliens, arrive every 3000 years or so. Although this is of course a very crude measure, it does mean we are rather overdue another visit.

In cosmic terms 2012 DA14 is not just a near miss, it’s like a bullet taking a skin-thin wrist watch off your arm but leaving you unharmed. For all intents and purposes, you could just about reach out and scribble your name on it as it goes past. They don’t get much closer….and sooner or later, one won’t miss.

BAD PRESS

After returning from a 2 week holiday in Thailand, I couldn't understand why I felt so good. Ok, you always feel pretty relaxed after a good holiday, and no, before anyone asks, it's wasn't the calming and relaxing after effects of any massages.

Well, the good weather played a part, and the food was fantastic, but, it was something more than that, that strangely Zen-like feeling of being at peace with the world. Was it the lingering after effects of visiting too many temples and contemplating all those reclining Buddhas?

No, it was none of the above. I discovered what it was when I walked into the first News Agent the very day we got back.  There they were, all lined up on the news rack....the British papers. The therapeutic effects of being largely separated from these vile publications had been immeasurably positive.

Shattering all my inner calm were those headlines, randomly screaming, choking, fuming and fulminating about everything and anything. Winter was too wet...winter wasn't cold enough….but Arctic freezes were being predicted (the worst for years).  Elsewhere they were ranting about Government austerity. Savage cuts to the welfare state, inhuman and cruel ministers deliberately targeting the poor and unemployed, fumed a couple of red tops. At the same time another rag raged and wept about welfare cheats being paid too much benefit and the Government's totally pathetic attempts to cut the deficit by insisting on paying excessive money to these lay abouts. Balanced, sensible reporting? Forget it.

Others choked and fumed about Europe.  “Too much of it” howled some. “Not enough of it” shrieked another, with such anger I could almost imagine the foam flecked and rabid editor hammering at his or her keyboards with their clenched fists. A couple made furious and indignant demands for a referendum so we could all leave the Eurozone for some imaginary red-tapeless free-market nirvana. In response others made loud and dire, horror-filled warnings about what would happen if we did and that economic Armageddon waited where we should surely abandon all hope.

Almost every story, subject matter regardless, it seems is reviewed through the most twisted, miserable of prisms; facts are used as selectively as possible so as to mislead, confuse and depress the reader. Everything is subject to maximum distortion, skewed through the politically myopic lens of the publication regardless of which end of the political spectrum it finds itself. And the irony of it all, is that every day they are served up for us, as regular as breakfast, their captured and well cultivated readership-fodder, who in our near bovine-like state, cough up the pennies or pounds required to buy or download then read their despairing and twisted content.

Yes, I know the price of a free press is having to put up with all the bile and nonsense they churn out incessantly. But, for a New Year resolution, I thought I would try to avoid these wretched and poison spreading feasts of misery for a bit. I'll stick to the sports section (as long as it’s not Arsenal winning) and read Private Eye instead. Anything to extend that lingering, post holiday calm for a bit.....